Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
