Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
organizing the empties. That sober.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
