I would go down on you faster than GM stock
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
