"it" just moved
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
