i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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