turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
