just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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