Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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