Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
