I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
