This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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