so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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