I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
