Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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