This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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