Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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