just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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