I wish I could teleport
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
