Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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