The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
