What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i think i have two assholes
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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