what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
a search helicopter?!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
