no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
