just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
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