Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
