I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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