so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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