Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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