She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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