dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
