How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
