Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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