The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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