Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
