she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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