So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
