It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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