so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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