Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
