Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
