You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
