i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize