i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
