True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
