I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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