Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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