omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
