walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
