I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm too high and old for this...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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