There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
