my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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